I sit here everyday wanting to post something, but at the same time I don't want anyone's sympathy. The adjustment of going from a town where I had so many friends, and where I was so comfortable, to going to college where I know absolutely nobody and I'm put way out of my comfort zone has put a tremendous toll on me. Physically, but mostly mentally.
   
       I have this problem where I can be really friendly with a lot of people, and I'll talk to them whenever I see them, but I can't connect with them enough to be friends. At home, this is no problem for me, I have my couple of close friends I'll always have, and I'm never feeling alone. Here, it's become a really big thing for me. I'm nervous even going to a meal because I don't have anyone to sit with, until maybe 10 minutes before I eat.
 
      I've heard from so many people that the first few days are always the hardest, but everyone I've talked to at least had friends within the first week. I can't help but lay here in my dorm room every night and feel like I pushed my life in the wrong direction, and that I made a $20,000 mistake. I pray every night for God to give me an answer of what he wants me to do in my situation, and every morning I still wake up feeling like I need to go home.

    Don't get me wrong, I love this school, everyone is so nice and supportive, but I can't get close to anyone. I feel like I'm watching people make friendships they'll have their entire lives and I can't connect to anyone the way I want to yet. I know it's only been a week, but it's been one the loneliest of my entire life.

    I feel like I should be honest with you all too, I didn't live the most God-given life throughout high school, and I fell into some really bad habits, and maybe that's why I feel like I can't connect to anyone. I don't want to open up and have people judge me based on the decisions I've made in my past, and lose that connection in a matter of seconds. I'm so guarded, which may be the root of my loneliness here.

   I don't want anyone to feel bad for me, that's honestly the last thing I want. I think I just wanted to open a little bit, without having to see a sympathetic face looking my way. I know I really want all of your prayers. I want to know in 17 weeks if this was the right choice for me or if God has other plans for me.

   Please pray for me.