A Beautiful Wilderness Woman

 

 

 

This July I went on La Vida, a program which fulfills the outdoor education requirement for Gordon College.  Essentially, La Vida is a 12-day wilderness adventure in the spectacular Adirondack Mountains.  There are three patrols offered: canoeing, hiking, and kayaking; I opted for canoeing.  Each patrol has 10 members and two leaders, who are called Sherpas.  There were certain policies and mottos of La Vida, such as "Be Here Now," which means cutting off all contact with the outside world (no cell phones), having no awareness of time (no watches or timekeeping devices), and having no keenness to direction or agenda (no maps or schedules).  Another policy was "Leave No Trace," which essentially means that we leave the wilderness the way we left it.  This means no bathing (that's right, no bathing for 12-days), taking all trash and supplies with you, and washing dishes became very interesting (ever licked a bowl clean before?). 

 

This trip had two other important messages: "Challenge by Choice" and "Commitment Move." Challenge by choice meant there were many instances where you could decide not to do something: no one could force you to rock climb, or do the high ropes course, or spend two days and nights in the wilderness alone. It was you who decided to take the risk.  Commitment move is a term used in rock climbing when there is a hand hold or foot hold just out of reach, and so you have to jump. You tell the person belaying you "commitment move" and then they know to be ready to catch the slack when you jump.  La Vida translated this term metaphorically to taking risks in other areas of your life, especially spiritual risks, knowing that God will be ready to catch you. 

 

Applying all of these mantras to my experience was a challenge.  I couldn't help but think about life back at home.  I sometimes wondered if it was close to lunchtime, and how long it was to the campsite.  I was caked in layers of sweat mixed with bug spray and sunscreen, and I smelled really bad.  I missed indoor plumbing, and drinking water that didn't take five minutes to pump and that tasted like bleach.  I forgot what it was like not to eat crackers and peanut butter for lunch.  I was covered in cuts, bruises, and mosquito bites. I had raw, stinging blisters on the tips of my fingers from rock climbing.  Every muscle in my body was sore from canoeing and portaging...I can't even explain how gruesome it is for two people to carry a 100 pound canoe over their heads for miles on end. And then there was solo: 48 hours alone in the woods, with no food, and only a Bible, a journal, your thoughts, and the mosquitos to keep you company. It was lonely, it got boring, the bugs were horrible, I was starving, It thunder stormed, and there were quite a few times I broke down and cried, or threw a hissy fit (I might have even smack talked a few mosquitos). 

 

There were many times on this trip I wanted to throw in the towel, to turn around and go home.  I was tired, I was gross, and I felt ugly. And I think there was more that I carried with me on this trip than 80 lbs of equipment. I carried things in my heart: painful memories, hurt, and past mistakes.  I tried to leave them behind, but they followed me.  I was able to ignore them in the hustle and bustle, but during those 2 days in the wilderness alone, all my regrets, all my brokenness, encroached me like a swarm of bloodthirsty mosquitoes.  And I became angry.  I cried out to God saying, "Where is my spiritual revelation? Where is my transformation? Isn't that what this trip is supposed to be about?!" I still felt like the same spiritually wounded person on Day 12 as I was on Day 1.  Sure, I had many laughs, many wonderful experiences, made new friends, and had some nice devotional time. But had I really changed?

 

The director of the La Vida program told us at the end of our trip that La Vida starts when La Vida ends; the experiences we've had on the trip should translate to our everyday lives.  My, how right he was.  After I returned from La Vida I felt something within my heart: a flame, no, a fire.  I wanted more. I wanted an adventure, and not just a literal adventure, but a spiritual one.  I wanted to take risks, make commitment moves each and every day. La Vida also began to fill a hole that had been in my heart for as long as I can remember; a hole created by "I'm not good enough", "I'm unloved," and "I'm not beautiful."  It didn't truly register until I came home, but being in God's creation I realized that the same Hands that had formed the breathtaking Adirondack mountains and the beautiful lakes and rivers we canoed on also formed me.  And I am made in Gods image. Wow! I am a jewel on the crown of His creation.  I must be worth something. I must be beautiful in His eyes.  And then I realized that I don't need someone or something to fill that hole, because that hole has been filled all along by the One and Only, Jesus Christ.

 

La Vida was one of the most challenging and the most rewarding experiences of my life, and it has made me proud to call myself "A Beautiful Wilderness Woman," created and loved by the one true God.