Lost, but not alone

As all of these posts are about all of us getting to college and worrying about what comes next, I figured that I would change it up a little bit and share a portion of my testimony. None of what I am about to share is to glorify myself but to honor God for without him I have no clue where I would be today. I share this to simply honor my creator and in hopes help someone that is going through or has gone through similar struggles.

So a little bit of background on me I was born in PA and my parents were pastoring a church. When I was two my parents had gotten a divorce and my father stepped down from pastoring. So I literally was born into my faith I wasn't someone that needed to find my faith, well this is what I thought anyways.

Growing up my mother was always adamant about having my brother, sister, and I go to church every Sunday no matter what you were at church. If you were sick you got sick there and all of the "super holy prayer ladies" would pray for you. Of course at the time I found this extremely annoying but now I am so incredibly thankful for it.

So every Sunday I would go to church and every Sunday I would follow the same routine sing a few songs, raise my hand, always give the answer "Jesus" in children's church, " I mean come on you are at church so that has to be right." It wasn't until three years ago that I finally realized I was doing it ALL wrong and when I say it ALL I mean it. 

I was never the girl that went out and partied or hooked up with every guy. I was worse I was the girl that was the perfect Christian inside and outside of church, that walked around judging and condemning condemning every other person around me for not believing what I was believing, this became the most dangerous thing. Instead of living out my duty as a follower and believer of Christ I just let people know I "Loved" Jesus and then made myself seem better than they were. It got to a point where I fell into a deep and dark depression. I was at my lowest point I still put on the good church girl face that everyone expected and I hid my depression so well. 

For me it was something that I was used to hiding behind my anger at my father. Hiding behind the fear of never being loved. Hiding behind whatever I could yet making it seem like I had it all together at all times. I was LOST, I was brought to the point where the devil was stealing every bit of joy that I had inside of me and he was feeding me lie after lie. I was sitting in my room one day in the dark alone with no one home and I was getting ready to create the first mark on my body to get rid of the internal pain. I began screaming and crying out to God like such a fool asking him to take me from this darkness that I didn't want this for myself. I was LOST but I was NOT alone for in that moment God came and he rescued me he took away every pain that I was feeling and told me that I needed to come to this place to realize what I was doing wrong and what he meant to me.

So if you have been there or just simply feel lost with all of the chaos going on around you cry out to God because he has your back he is there cheering you on the entire way. He has mapped out your story and is just waiting for you to uncover the pages one at a time. This next part of our journey we will not be alone.-Michaela Barnes