First of all, you all were completely right in saying that writing out a blog is harder than it looks. What a crazy time this is. I've been staring at this blank page for several minutes now, so unsure of what to say. Many of you have told us your testimonies, which is not only encouraging but extremely brave. My story seems so simple in comparison. I grew up in a wonderful home, raised by my fantastic parents who love me and each other almost as much as they love God (they also met at Gordon and were married the summer after they graduated, they celebrated their 25th anniversary this summer, if anyone needed some encouragement about that kind of thing ;) ). I went to a Lutheran school when I was younger and went to church every week. I love church. So much. Never once did my parents have to nag me about going to church. My mom leads worship on the Sundays that I don't. For those days, I volunteer by babysitting for two services.
God has always been what I believed. I rarely understand why He does things, but I always believe in Him. When I was thirteen, I got a dose of what reality was. Without going into details (something I always struggle with) I was faced with a devastating suicide at my school, raging media attention at all of us, what it meant to love and be loved, and then broken and repaired. Through all of that mess, I realized I needed more than just believing in God. I decided I wanted a relationship, too. At thirteen, I was baptized and confirmed and have never regretted it.
I've never had a rebellious stage with God. But I do get really confused. And mad at Him sometimes. I tend to be the therapist in my group of friends and youth group. I've never minded it, even though it can be pretty burdening. But when I see and hear the things my friends go through, despite my life being pretty wonderful, I get angry. One of my friends was stripped of her purity when she was much too young by someone close to her. Why? How is that a part of God's plan. This past summer, a guy two of my best friends was in love with (don't ask) was killed in a car accident. Why? How is that fair? These are the things that make my brain hurt. I don't understand any of it. I assume all of you have been there. Then I think of Jeremiah 29:11: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Even when I'm miserably upset, I have to hold on to that.
Wow this was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be, sorry. But I thought I'd share a bit. While I am incredibly nervous to leave home, I am so comforted by the fact that I'm going to a place where the love of God is what keeps us together. I'll leave you with my life verse: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. I truly cannot wait to meet all of you!
Peace and love,
Molly Elias
I share a lot of the same confusions as you, and I enjoyed reading your testimony. :)
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